Being outside is awesome. The sun shining down, the small breeze which slips through my short red hair, the birds in the tree that think they are safe from my hungry Dachshund gaze—it’s exciting to a little pup like me. The tall grass in the back yard feels good against my short stubby legs and my nose catches every smell. Each one is more amazing than the last, and as I stand beneath my shade tree, my anointed little place in the world, I feel lucky to have been born and experience such things.
Otis, my naïve brother, trots past me. He is on a mission. Actually, he calls it his potty mission. Otis likes to sniff every inch of the yard, looking for just the right place to relieve himself. I watch him do this. Sniff, sniff here. Sniff, sniff there. He can’t seem to make up his mind.
My sisters, Tinker and Violet, are not so particular. They are too busy tumbling around the yard with each other and whenever one of them needs to go to the bathroom, they stop, squat, and go. No fuss. No hassle. And then it’s back to play time.
I’m sure you must be wondering about me. How does Oliver handle the bathroom situation? Not very well. As much as I like being in the great outdoors, I prefer to go to the bathroom inside like Olivia, my owner, does. The perfect spot right for me is right beside the kitchen table. It’s so simple to crawl out of the box, leave a little present, and then hop back inside to cuddle against Momma. That way I can enjoy the outdoors, completely unhindered by mundane things like going potty.
However, I have noticed a certain flush of displeasure on the face of Olivia’s mother, Trudy. She is a tall woman with dark brown hair and a smile that always reminds me of Olivia who adores me. The little girl is always petting or cuddling my small body to hers. I was also the first one she named, so I am confident that I am special. Yet, Trudy doesn’t always seem as appreciative of the gifts I leave by the kitchen chair. I get the feeling she views them as a problem.
Take this morning, for example. I had just relieved myself and was scurrying back to the box when Trudy came in the kitchen. I wagged my tail, and she smiled at me. But then she noticed the poop I’d left, and her face lost its amiable gaze. Instead, a frown stretched across her face, and she put both hands on her hips.
“Oliver! Bad boy!” she said.
Me? Bad? But I’m so little and cute! I gave a little bark at her.
“No, sir! Don’t you bark at me! This is bad,” she said and scooped me up. Pointing at the mess, she said, “No, no, no! Puppies go potty outside.”
We did? I thought outside was just for playing.
Okay. That’s not entirely true. Last week, I’d noticed how any time one of us pups looked like we were going to get in squatting position, Trudy or Olivia had scooped us up and taken us to a little padded area by the back door. Whenever, one of us tinkled there, they praised us, using sweet little voices that made all of our backsides wiggle with joy. After all, who doesn’t like praise?
This week they’d taken the pads outside. Otis caught on right away. First he tinkled on the pad, and then later, he just started going any place outside, whenever the spirit moved him. The praise he got for doing his business in the grass was enough to turn me green with envy.
Tinker picked it up pretty quick, too. Violet had almost no trouble either. It was only me that was the lone hold out.
I mean, c’mon. Peeing outside? Where everyone can see? How disgusting is that? I’d much prefer to disappear in the little room that I see Trudy and Olivia use. Is it too much for a dachshund to ask for privacy?
That’s why I’d been sneaking out of the box early in the morning to do my business behind the kitchen chair. Come to think of it, Trudy was up early this morning. Maybe she was trying to catch me?
That would explain the other thing that happened today, too, the thing I’m a bit ashamed of actually. Before I tell you, let me just confess right away.
It was an accident. Really.
I’m in the habit of taking a little potty break right after lunch time. The kitchen was empty, but I knew they’d be coming soon to take us outside. I climbed out of the box and headed for my special spot. Just as I was about to let loose, Trudy rushed in. She took one look, grabbed me, and ran to the back door.
Unfortunately, I haven’t mastered the art of stopping in mid stream. I’m afraid quite a bit of my urine got all over Trudy’s blouse and…well, it hit her in the face, too.
“That is so disgusting!” she said, and dropped me outside. Trudy glared at me as she wiped her face with her hands. “Go potty outside.”
But I was through by then. There was nothing for me to do but wait by the door until the others were let out.
“Nice job,” Otis said when he came outside, but I could tell he was being sarcastic. He quickly headed off in search of his own spot.
“You are so gross, Oliver,” Violet and Tinker said in unison when they came out.
Ha! Like they were perfect or something.
But it was Momma who really shamed me. She came outside, a tight little frown disrupting her normally calm face. “Oliver, you’ve got to stop going to the bathroom in the house.”
“I don’t like going outside,” I said.
“You are a dog! Not a human,” Momma said. “Dogs go outside where they can be one with nature. If you’d just open your mind a little, you’d see that going in the grass is a good thing. It leads to playing with butterflies and chasing birds. This is the life of a dog.”
“But it’s embarrassing.”
“It’s what we do! Now get with the program or you better realize that you may be the first puppy to get adopted.”
“Adopted? What is that?”
“Your worst fear, son,” Momma said. “Adopted is where another family takes you from us forever.”
Oh no. I knew that eventually it would come to that. At the vet’s office, I’d overheard Trudy talking about it. But I didn’t want to be the dog torn away from his family. I wanted to stay right there with Momma and Olivia.
Maybe that meant I would have to change my ways, give this outdoor pottying thing a try.
I sighed. Sometimes you have to do things that you don’t like. I really wanted Olivia to pick me as the puppy that got to stay.
So that’s when I came up with my new plan of action. I waited in the warm sunshine for Trudy or Olivia to catch me in the act of pottying.
As soon as I saw them, I got ready for action.
Okay, time to focus Oliver. This tree has always been my favorite to hang out under so this is probably as good a place as any. Sniff, sniff. Yeah, right here is perfect, I thought.
“Look, Mommy!” Olivia pointed her finger at me. “He’s doing it!”
Actually, having them watch me go wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and it felt kinda nice outside. More importantly, Trudy and Olivia started cheering which caused my tail to start wagging. When I was done, they rushed to me, patting my head. I rolled over and displayed my tummy, hoping they would go for a tummy rub.
“Be careful.” Trudy stepped away. “We don’t want him so excited that he has another accident on us.”
“Oh, Mommy, he’s already gone potty. I think he’s okay now,” Olivia said, and rubbed my tummy.
I gave her my best soulful I-love-you look.
“Can I give him a treat for doing such a good job?”
Treat? Wait, there’s a prize for going to the bathroom? If only I’d known that sooner.
“Sure.” Trudy reached into her pocket and pulled out a small dog treat.
Oh, yeah. I could get use to going to the bathroom outside for sure now! As I munched on it, Otis trotted up to me.
“Hey, how come you got that?” he asked, scratching his ear with his hind leg.
“Because I went to the bathroom outside,” I said, proud of my accomplishment.
“Big deal. I’ve been doing that all along. Why didn’t I get one of those?” Otis sniffed at my treat and whimpered.
“Uh-oh,” Olivia said. “Looks like Otis is jealous. We should give him a treat, too.”
Of course, Violet and Tinker had to come and get one, also. But I didn’t mind. I plopped under my special tree, and fell asleep, proud of my latest accomplishment.
*****
(…to be continued)
Related posts:
- Puppy Tails – Oliver Explores
- Puppy Tails – Oliver Finds a Place to Sleep
- Puppy Tails – Oliver the Supermodel
- Puppy Tails – Oliver Gets Motion Sickness
- Puppy Tails – Oliver Trains Olivia
